The way we communicate within groups right now involves hidden roadblocks. Here are three solutions you can try.
Episode 41 of the Make Saints podcast: “3 Ways to Improve Communication”
the episode script
Over the last few weeks, I’ve covered three challenges to the way we communicate. Today I want to cover three things we can do to improve communication.
Challenge #1: Time
In the first communication episode, we talked about time. As we talk about communication, we tend to ignore the role time plays. Or, if we do consider it, it is only ever to speed up time or it’s about our expectations for how timely others should respond to our message.
This is what separates synchronous and asynchronous communication. Synchronous communication is real-time talking between two or more parties. So often: at the same place at the same time.
Asynchronous is not that. It refers to communication that happens at different moments. Written or recorded communication is asynchronous because there is always a gap between when it is made and when it is received.
Use both forms more effectively.
Recognize the benefits of both synchronous and asynchronous methods and use them to our greater advantage.
Here are two examples.
- Use the phone to make arrangements
I’m a baby Xer, so I prefer texting to calling 99% of the time, but there is nothing I hate more than making arrangements by text or email (both are asynchronous forms). Why? Because I will inevitably spend hours or days, and in some cases weeks trading texts and emails before settling on a time to get together.
What doesn’t take hours or weeks? Picking up the phone and talking for five minutes.
Make use of what synchronous communication does well: simultaneous connection.
- Passing along information
Similarly, passing along information is what asynchronous communication does best. If I have two or three quick things I want you to know about, I don’t need you picking up your phone and chatting. I can deliver that info to you. And you can get it when you get it.
This can also save a ton of time at our synchronous meetings if we’ve already taken the time to think about things before the meeting.
Challenge #2: Mistaking broadcast for communication
Communication is not only one person telling another something. It isn’t only one-way information sharing. Communication is two-way communication between people and between teams.
This can be a challenge for organizations or groups that are hierarchical or rely on leaders to share with the team what is going on. These ways of being often have a disempowering side effect for team members who become passive receivers of information shared with them.
To break out of this arrangement, we need to encourage more dialogue.
More Two-Way Communication.
Ultimately, it is not the leader’s job to make sure that others listen to them. We can optimize our communication strategies to be more engaging but we can’t physically control another person’s ability to hear. Nor can we read their minds and intuit what it is they really want.
We often label lack of connection as a communication problem. But if I have to call you 27 times before you answer the phone, why would we say “well, I guess we gotta improve our communication around here!”? That’s crazy. We actually do know what the problem is!
The onus is not only on the speaker to be heard. Listeners have a responsibility to listen. And respond. That’s how we get effective communication.
Challenge #3: Hidden (and Faulty) Expectations
Sometimes, the greatest challenge in communication has nothing to do with someone saying something. It’s the junk going on in someone else’s head.
I described this challenge in a previous episode with a person I called Elizabeth. Her complaints about communication hid her real struggles with loneliness, loss of connection and authority. She no longer felt powerful and important. Virtually all of her friends had died.
She blamed our broad, modern communication strategies for her loss of relationship. So it was never about what we did or could do. It was what she was avoiding.
Keep Sharing
When I realized what Elizabeth was doing, my instinct was to accept her narrative. To try and give her special attention. Or to figure out how to both/and this situation so we could all get to a win-win-win.
But my reaching out to her was not enough for her.
When confronted with hidden expectations, we often make the mistake of dealing directly with the spoken arguments. So, we might reconsider putting so much emphasis on the website or social media. Even when we know that these tools are essential.
This, obviously, is the wrong strategy in the abstract. But when relationships are involved, we just don’t want to feel like the bad guy.
In cases of hidden expectations, we need to keep sharing. Because we want open communication to be the norm. And not assumptions and hidden expectations. Being open, and expecting others to be open, too, makes for healthier, and in the end, more effective communication.
Recap
So the three ways to improve communication right now are
- Use both synchronous and asynchronous communication more effectively.
- Meetings are good for decisions, not planning
- Emails & texts are good for sharing bits of information.
- Reinforce two-way communication.
- Remind people to speak and listen to each other.
- Each of us has responsibility to our organizations.
- Keep sharing.
- Be mindful of the stuff really going on with people.
- Avoid the trap of addressing stated problems that won’t fix their problem.
Of course, all of this is easier said than done. Communication is an art that takes time to master. And many master communicators have been flummoxed by our present technological change. Not to mention the massive transformation of media in the last decade.
Focusing on these three things: taking advantage of forms of communication, building up the capacity to communicate, and persisting in open communication: are the skills all of us need right now.
Also check out the previous episodes in the series