Making resolutions is an annual tradition. So is failing at them. Here’s why we ought to rethink the project.
Episode 49 of the Make Saints podcast: “No Resolutions”
the episode script
I stopped doing New Year Resolutions many years ago. Since then, I’ve come to see the practice in a whole new light. And what is better than resolving to make self-improvements.
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There is something to starting a new year anew and wanting that reset to make a big change in our lives. It is at once universal and useful.
And because resolutions are so normal, we can really get into the groove of making important life-changes during this fertile time. Many of us have resolved to do something (or not do something) and succeeded! So, in a sense, it works. And much like lottery tickets, someone wins and it can’t be us if we don’t play.
The science of life-changes and habit creation tell us that New Year Resolutions don’t work. Certainly not like that. At least not most of the time and for most of the people.
Willpower
One of our mistakes is that we do these things without a plan. We think the key to making change is just willpower. Or that buzzy word from a couple of years ago: grit. If we have enough grit, we can power through and make the change we need to make.
But failure is rarely a reflection of willpower. And it is pure speculative judgment to pretend it is.
Our failure is almost always situational, environmental, or due to a lack of preparation. We are undone by our lack of planning.
Habit-forming
The key to making significant life changes is found in the power of habits. And to make better habits, we need four things: 1) a plan to form a routine, 2) a practice to motivate that routine, 3) an easy means of tracking the routine, and 4) a desire to stick with it.
James Clear and Gretchin Rubin have written extensively on the power of habits. Particularly when we arrange our lives to promote good ones.
Of course, habits are only part of the equation. Habits get you to healthier eating or more exercise. And they get us away from junk and toward the good stuff. But they aren’t always the life change we’re actually seeking.
Living Better
At the end of the day, we don’t want more to do. We want to live better, healthier.
A huge part of our struggle with living a better life than we do is that it requires us to change something about either our life or how we live within it. This means we can improve our environment or our strategies within the current one.
Because, at the root of every attempt at self-improvement is the idea that one can improve themselves. We can make ourselves fundamentally better through some kind of personal effort. But this requires changes.
A lot of the strategies we use to make resolutions stick either add new work to one’s life, in the form of new processes of measurement and evaluation of one’s progress, or they require the fundamental changing of the life. Moving to a new place, buying a meal plan, or hiring a personal trainer.
So the bottom line is this:
Resolutions require intention.
And maybe we’re up for that. Maybe we’re not. But if we want to change our lives, we should also want to choose to make that change.
We all know that change isn’t easy. And we certainly have strategies that make changing easier.
But you know what also isn’t easy? Staying the same. Living with the pain or frustration that compels us to want to be better, to literally change our lives, isn’t easy.
When my kids were little, I was motivated by the idea that I needed to be healthier for my kids. As motivations go, it’s a fine one. And it certainly informed my decisions. But did I suddenly stop eating fried foods and drop 50 pounds? No. It did not.
What did motivate change in my behavior was making time to live more intentionally. All the time.
So when I eat out, I don’t only go by what sounds good, but also think about healthier options. And I find, more often than not, I choose the better option.
I make time for reading, walking, being present with my family. This also means shutting off the computer, right-sizing my to-do list, and altering expectations.
No more hacks
Too often we resort to life hacks or tricks to “squeeze” things in. Which is like trying to change by not actually changing anything. Like getting up earlier without going to bed earlier. Like we can sacrifice without the consequences.
We do this, not just because it’s easier (it totally is!) but because we don’t want to recognize just how our environment is designed to make us choose unhealthy things.
It is no coincidence that junk food is easy, fast, and cheap at the same time that the average worker makes less money, has less personal time, and greater demands for productivity at work. Our common environment is geared toward unhealthy living. And we all know it.
So we all make resolutions, knowing 93% of them will fail. Recognizing the common problem while refusing to admit that we share this problem in common.
Yes, I have made specific changes in my life in the last few years. But not simply by resolving to. Or by developing a scheme to accomplish them. I’ve mostly changed by choosing to take a walk rather than check email again.
I’m not just choosing to do something good. I’m also making a sacrifice from my ever-expanding work time. And I’m learning to feel good about that.
Because only one of those things is truly necessary.
And the other is someone else’s unhealthy expectation.
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I’m Drew Downs. Thanks for listening to Make Saints. Because (eternal) life is hard. And we could use all the help we can get.