Some of the stories we read to our children are terrible.  They aren’t just bad, they are actually the very stuff we shouldn’t read to them.

And yet…

We do.  And they adore them.

Now, I’m not just talking about taste, here.  Or stories that don’t translate well.  Or perhaps picture books with unappealing art.  I’m talking stories that are truly, fundamentally bad our kids.

I’ll also admit that the three stories I’ve listed are all old, and originate from a much different culture than the one in which I’m raising my kids.  I’ll freely admit that.  But they each have a fundamental flaw that I just can’t get over.  So, without further ado, my three least favorite children’s stories:

3. Cinderella

Of course, I’ve never actually read the original book.  I have only the Disney animated feature to base this on.  And I certainly don’t expect my daughter to understand why I just can’t stand this story.  What is so deeply wrong with it is the very premise embedded in the rising action.  Of course, the conflict with the wicked stepmother is not pretty, but it is not the issue.  The problem is in the dressing pretty for a ball, at which a prince will choose a bride, causing the viewer to root for Cinderella’s participation in the ball to gain freedom through marriage.  Like Jane Austen, we have what may amount to a fair critique of a social structure by which women are treated as property and may only gain some semblance of personal freedom in finding the right husband that will allow her that.  Hey, that’s cool.  But we really don’t need 3 year-olds in 2011 worrying about dressing up pretty to win a man, which is a really big part of what attracts many girls to the film in the first place.  The very critique is lost to the “Awww!  She’s marrying the prince!” thing at the end.

2. Jack and the Beanstalk 

There are certain stories that are ubiquitous.  Do you remember first learning this story?  I sure don’t.  But my daughter discovered this cute little book that tells the gist of the story with bright pictures.  But, like trying to tell the story of Noah and the flood while overlooking the part where GOD kills nearly all of creation with a “hey, kids, there are animals!” style, no rendition of Jack and the Beanstalk can deal with the fact that Jack, in his poverty, steals a gold-laying hen.  Seriously?  Are we supposed to feel justified because the Giant isn’t human and was described as “mean”?  Or is it because someone took advantage of him and stole his cow for a song?  Does all this balance out the serious ethical problem in the character?  And, more importantly, what should the lesson be for our children?

I am not unsympathetic to Jack’s plight; nor am I so ardently opposed to theft that no justifiable circumstances can be found.  I do wonder, however, about whether Jack is the sort of character we should expose our young children to.  His moral ambiguity might serve a preteen better than the tricycle-set.

1. The Three Pigs

I honestly can’t think of a story I loathe more than The Three Pigs.  Think for a second

what the moral of this story would be:

Three brothers separate and take with them nothing.  Two build houses of inferior materials and are brutally killed by the inevitable evil force bent on their destruction.  The third brother, the smart one, built a fortress and then outwits that evil force.  So the moral of the story is this:

a) go it alone
b) be smart, not stupid
c) something is always trying to kill you

The End.

Seriously, there is no way this story could ever be redeemed.  You can’t try.  The pigs believe in an isolationist ideology, fighting a ridiculous war with an enemy that is always out to get them.  If we want to raise a bunch of unibombers, then by all means, read this every night!  Me, na uh.

There is a silver lining, however.  David Wiesner (Tuesday, Flotsam, Art & Max) wrote and illustrated a deconstructed version of The Three Pigs that is outstanding.  These pigs support one another and help those in danger.  They are not restricted by the confines of this politically-oppressive worldview.  And the art is outstanding.  So maybe this story can be redeemed.  I love reading this one to my daughter.

Now it is your turn.  What are your least favorite children’s stories?  Which ones hurt you every time your child picks it out?  And of course, why?