We often talk like the “real us” can be revealed with stress. Because we act differently, we seem to let our guards down and behave in ways we might intend to. In this way, our “real” identity is hidden, guarded, and protected from the light of day.

Perhaps this is closer to “the other me”—the one I am when I am stressed. That this is who we are when we’re confused, uncomfortable, or disappointed. It isn’t so much hidden as it is a different iteration.

This version of us, however, is a part of us either way.

Who we are when we’re confronted by something someone else sees in us is just as important as how we see ourselves. When we’re confronted for our racial bias or are invited to look at our people’s history of racism, bigotry, and oppression, what happens? Do we react with anger, bigotry? Are we incredulous or skeptical? Do we listen and interrogate?

Those of us who follow Jesus see our place in the world as people of love more than any other identity marker. So when we confront our own lack of love, we have some work to do. But our first work is to turn to that love here and now with this person.