It sounds like we are. We see the same event. Hear the same people. But our responses don’t match. Our reactions to a commencement speech, for example. Or a protest.

We treat fights like they are binary and symmetrical. We claim there are only two sides. So your side and my side must be polar opposites.

Except that we don’t agree on nothing; we actually agree on most things. We aren’t opposites. Or on opposite sides of anything. We are neighbors in a common space.

The problem is that, as neighbors, we aren’t static or the same. Sometimes we have to move. And when we do, we find our paths cross. They diverge; they’re never parallel. So where they intersect becomes conflict. And when we look far into the future, the divergence looks tremendous.

We see the present opposition and future divergence through a winner-take-all lens. It seems as if we’re saying to ourselves It is my way or everything I love is a lie.

But we aren’t opponents, squaring off. Not on purpose. Unless one of us turns it that way. Pretends that neighbors are opponents and that conflicts are all duals.

It is surprising what we learn when we listen to people and treat them like neighbors. Including the fact that we can be right about them.