A good life is far less either/or and far more both/and.
Contradictory advice abounds.
– You really need to say “no” more.
– You really need to say “yes” more.
Actually, it’s both.
We think of life as a sequence of choices. One or the other. Yes or No.
[Notable that Chip and Dan Heath don’t even call that a choice in their book Decisive. A choice is between two or more options, but “whether or not” is only a choice of one.]
The real problem is that we think there are only so many opportunities in life. This is the delusion offered by the scarcity mindset. It makes us think there are only so many decisions. All binary and always equal.
If I turn down this opportunity, I might never get another!
The funny thing, however, is that the more I say yes to, the more people ask for things.
Yeses breed more yeses.
There is no scarcity. Yeses self-generate.
How about Nos then?
The more I say “no” to, guess what? I still get more choices. Often with the added benefit of people learning that I’m willing to say no.
The secret isn’t saying no to everything. Nor is it carefully regulating a proper balance. It’s more about fine-tuning. Learning how to say yes to as much as you can stand. And saying no to anything that doesn’t align with your values.
Saying yes to hard things is brave. Saying no to easy things is brave, too!
That’s the thing! You’ll still get more opportunities! None of us runs out!
It may seem counter-intuitive, given how overwhelmed we all are, but it probably holds. Most of us need to say yes more. AND no more. We need more of both.