In an attempt to be productive and work ahead, I tried to plan for vacation. By doing everything now.

It made sense in my head.

I need to work ahead.
And I also need to do things in order. (Or else I’ll get confused.)
So I just do all of the upcoming stuff and all of the later stuff.

Honestly, I don’t know how I came to the conclusion that I needed to do it all now. Vacation’s still a month away. And yes, looking at it now, it seems so absurd. I mean, I was trying to do two months worth of work in one week!

The truth is that it never made sense. It was over-functioning. I don’t believe I can do everything. But, because of a distorted sense of obligation, I thought I had to anyway.

What really matters?

My priority for vacation is to vacation.

I’ll get my work done. But because I’m focused on not just getting it done, but getting extra done, my mind is having trouble regulating what that really looks like.

As I get a better sense of what each project takes to accomplish, I am finding it easier to determine what is a realistic goal.

Doing 2 months in one week is not realistic. It is stupid. But only after we realize why. It isn’t stupid to the person in the moment. It actually made sense. I have to do this before I can do that, so let me hammer out this first…

Nor is realizing that this was stupid make me stupid. I’m not stupid to get tangled up in the internal logic. That logic is really enticing.

This is our underlying belief system at work, after all. The constant pressure to evangelize hard work to one another. So we can’t help but be attracted to it.

What else I learned

The value of prioritization. And reflection. Timing myself and then populating my day with realistic expectations. Being less vague with big blocks of time. Base my expectations on lived experience that is measured. So, therefore, taking time to measure.

I’ve also learned to appreciate what actually is possible by getting a better sense of how it all works.

So, in the end, I’ll get it all done. Just not in one week.