Of course I love church. That goes without saying. But I don’t always love the church. I don’t always love the way we do church or the way we incarnate the church. It sometimes gets to me and drains me.

Some of that is me. But a lot of it is the way we approach church as church members and those “on the inside.” So here’s how you and we can get the most out of church right now!

1. Acknowledge our expectations

I don’t expect each of us to turn on a dime. Not all of us are that agile in our faith. However, we all need to acknowledge that some of the things going on in our heads isn’t actually the church’s deal, but our own. We must acknowledge what are, in fact, the expectations we have for church. Things like being welcoming or authoritative or traditional or relaxed or whatever.

Most of what we talk about when we talk about the church are really our expectations for church. We put our preference for the style and substance of church onto the church. But if we acknowledge that they are expectations we have for church, two things happen: we get clarity as a group and as individuals. And suddenly, we can work together on building something together.

2. You get as much as you put in

This is a no-brainer in our world, but for some reason, we think the church is different. Many good Christians are more interested in how full the calendar of events is than in participating in any of the events on it. We can say we want more Bible study and formation, but if we don’t come to the offerings, it is hard for anyone to know they are truly wanted.

3. Pledging is not stockholding

I want everybody who comes to church to feel invested in the church and want the best for the church. That is the way the analogy to stockholding really holds up. We put a little skin in the game and we want to see the thing through.

Where the analogy hurts us is when we think that pledging $100 lets us bend the ear of the leadership and insist on our way. Because stockholders don’t invest anything of themselves besides money. But Christians are devoted members of a community and must have a bigger role in that community than to buy some stock and show up for shareholders meetings (and bend the CEO’s ear when they have a brilliant idea).

4. Your brilliant ideas need fostering

Your idea is like a young plant, which needs the right soil, some water, sunlight, and someone to provide for its growth tomorrow and the next day. And I hate to tell you, that means when we bring our brilliant idea to the pastor before it’s ready and without the hope that it will receive attention tomorrow, we are dooming our idea to wilting and dying long before it blooms.

If you value your great idea, you’ll work with the pastor and recruit other people to turn that great idea into a reality. Even if you don’t have a green thumb for church growth, you are making it infinitely more likely to survive than if you tell the pastor at coffee hour on a Sunday.

5. Learn about our worship and why we do what we do

In the Episcopal Church, we rely heavily on traditions and canons to do the lifting for us when it comes to determining how we worship. It is much like a parent answering the persistent “why” with “because I’m the parent”. It might get compliance from time to time but it doesn’t teach anybody anything.

Instead, take (or start!) a class at church about worship or allow for teaching in the midst of worship that allows us to learn not only what we do, but why. And when we do this, we might find that we have some more growing to do.

6. Adopt a “student mindset”

One thing that is striking about our Greek Scripture is the persistent vision of Jesus as teacher and his followers as students (disciples). And yet, we rarely describe Christians as disciples outside of the sermon. We talk about membership of a church and believers of a certain faith or simply that we are Christians. And yet the dominant example we have of being a Christian is from the gospels and the epistles. In both places, we see the centrality of learning and growing.

Perhaps the more revolutionary concept we receive is embedded in the writings of Luke and Paul in which the disciples are disciples and apostles. They are student teachers! We are called to learn and teach: ultimately, that teaching is how we learn.

7. Accept failure

Which therefore means we are sometimes going to miss our deadlines or write bad papers and the teacher is going to give us a big fat F for our performance. But the sooner we accept that we are in the church to learn rather than to be good, the sooner we can adapt to those mistakes and actually learn from them. The sooner we can turn around and find new opportunities to serve and love and become with one another.

8. Accept failure in others

Because they are trying to learn too. And they aren’t where you are at yet. Besides, we don’t need you judging us, anymore than you want us to take on that job.

9. We can be here for you, but we aren’t here for YOU

We are here for GOD as followers of Christ. We aren’t your self-help gurus and the place you come to always feel good. Church is for growth and worship and mission: about bringing the Kingdom of GOD here. It isn’t all about you.

One of the best examples of this I’ve heard came from a music conference in which a church musician shared his thoughts of dealing with complaints. He shared the typical conversation with us.

Parishioner: I didn’t like that anthem.
Musician: OK. Well…did you like the opening hymn?
Parishioner: Yes.
Musician: Did you like the setting for the Gloria?
Parishioner: Yes…
Musician: Did you like the gradual and the Sanctus and the Offertory and the communion hymn and the closing hymn?
Parishioner: Yes…
Musician: You liked 7 of the 8 pieces then! That 8th one wasn’t for you!

Of course, when I’ve used this example, it’s actually made people mad, but I think that says more about them than it does about us. We aren’t everything to you. We aren’t everything to everybody. But we are something for everyone and we are a means by which the everything is found.

10. Do

Over and over again, Jesus tells us to stop being afraid, to stop worrying, to stop focusing on the things that frighten us, and instead get off our butts and do. To go out and proclaim the good news of repentance and hope! To go out into the streets to find Jesus where Jesus actually hangs out. I need this reminder as much as anyone! That’s why Jesus has to keep saying it – because we have trouble getting that Christianity, and the church, is about doing, not simply believing or attending. This is our job.

What else needs to go on this list?