Yesterday, I wrote a bummer of a piece telling you that you would most certainly fail. That great New Year’s resolution to lose weight or not eat chocolate? Sorry. You’ve already failed, you just might not know it yet. And that resolution to read everyday, that’s hanging by a thread.

That was yesterday. Today I’m telling you why you are going to rock your New Year’s resolutions and finally make them stick.

First, you’re going to need to read yesterday’s post again. Skim it, if you need to. Just go back and take in this one really important idea: you’re doing it wrong. And that’s OK! We all do resolutions wrong.

Why?

Because we are only trying to change the surface stuff, not what’s underneath. We need to get at that stuff.  This is why health experts tell us not to diet, but change the way we approach our food.

In other words, to make our resolutions stick, we need to make them stickier and ourselves stickier. Or at least ready to be stuck to. Like velcro with one side with all those little hooks and the other side little loops. Make yourself like those loops!

Getting Sticky

While everyone else is focused on what the best resolution is and how to make it work, we need to instead focus on how we work. That means we have to get over this one really important hump:

A resolution is about becoming different.

This is seriously true. The faster we admit to this, the better. We make resolutions because we ultimately want to be better people. If we remember those different definitions I gave yesterday for resolution, we get hints at how that change works:

We pass laws to literally change the rules of the game.

We go on diets and exercise more to change our bodies.

We learn to play guitar to change the way we use our free time.

Deep down, however, we are changing the rules. We are changing our rules. And we are doing so because they need to be changed.

The real reason our resolutions don’t stick isn’t because our resolutions aren’t sticky enough, it is that we aren’t giving them anything to stick to. We aren’t sticky enough. Think like velcro.

Our resolutions, therefore, are not the problem, it is us. We need to provide a better home for these resolutions.

For some, this is an easy fix. If you want to exercise more, then make more time for it. Schedule it. Put it on the calendar and negotiate time with your spouse. Get a partner or a buddy to work out with you. Any and all of these things are great for making you more stickable.

For bigger resolutions, however, bigger preparations may be necessary.

Getting Loose

The origin of the word resolution seems to involve “breaking apart” and “loosening”. Perhaps the etymology is more useful than we think.

Our struggles with resolutions often come from intensity and determination: by making them tests of our will power, we make inevitable struggle into ultimate failure. The first time we forget to go to the gym every single day means we broke our resolution. So we must be weak. It can’t possibly be that we’re busy or stressed or putting too much pressure on ourselves. And it certainly couldn’t be that we are actively changing ourselves, which is uncomfortable and difficult. Nope. Better go sit on the couch and sulk.

We need to see resolutions as part of a self-examination process, in which we break apart our behavioral patterns and see who we really are. And perhaps “loose” is a better way to actively show our resolve or determination, rather than hard. Because failures are inevitable, but so are successes. The end result isn’t whether or not you work out tomorrow, but whether or not you become over time a healthier person than you are now.

Loosening up about the change will ultimately make it easier to make the change itself.

John Saddington argues that those who want to write should “just write”. He has gone to the great length of suggesting we get rid of every distraction that prevents us from writing. But more than that, he invites us to loosen up about what and how we write.

So, if (your) writing is to be perfect then you should quit before you start. Don’t bother. But, if you can come to terms with your own imperfection then please do yourself and everyone else a favor and tell your story, as imperfect as it truly is.

With that being said, just start. Just go. Write from the heart. It’ll be bad. That’s okay. It’ll be bad for quite some time. How long should it be? Doesn’t matter. Categories? Doesn’t matter. You should:

1. Start writing

2. Hit the “Publish” button.

Loosen up about it. We’re imperfect. But we can be better. And to be better involves changing ourselves over time.

Changing

My resolutions, as I shared some of them yesterday, aren’t surface changes: they require deep changes. They require my energy and focus. They require time-shifting and collaboration. They demand that I face my fear of failure and rejection.

My resolutions speak to who I want to become. They speak, not to who I was, but to who I dream of being tomorrow. Some more resolutions beyond writing include learning to play guitar, exercising, and making smarter choices about food. These aren’t truly about habits or about problems or flaws in me, but speak to the person I imagine myself being next year at the latest!

I also don’t expect to “win” and “achieve my goals” because true resolutions aren’t like that. They are about deep change. Something worthy of a vow or rewriting of your own rulebook. Something sticky. Something I can’t help becoming, something I’m attracted to, something I’m happily stuck with.

What are you doing in the new year to grow and change: to get stickier? What do you resolve to do and become? How do you think you’ll get there? You can share below!