My daughter wrapped me around her finger before she could grab things and twist them. Before she could even see more than two feet in front of her face. She lights up my world when she greets me at the door and when I pick her up from school.

For her, I argue with the world.

“If there is no compelling reason to say ‘No,’ why should I?”

This is in contrast to the teaching all new parents receive: that we are to learn how to say “No”. That kids are ruined if they don’t hear “No.” Like the nurse who demanded we assert our dominance over our child because “[we’re] the parents.” As if we couldn’t figure that out. As if we weren’t trying to feed and protect our child. As if our use of compassion and listening to her are not proper attributes of parents. That she would be spoiled and grow up to be a horrible human being if we nurture her or that she will never have to deal with rejection.

The thing is, my kid hears No all the time. In school and at home. In the grocery store and in the car. A lot. About as often as she hears words like “the” and “you”. Certainly way more than the word she truly never hears.

The No deprived that hurts a child is when we indulge the most selfish and soul-destroying requests for happiness through consuming junk in the form of food or toys. Or indulging fantasies that even they know they have no right to suggest. Like daily trips to McDonald’s, the weekend trip to Disney World, or to her very own magical unicorn pet house for the backyard. Few people have trouble saying No to these things.

It is the other stuff that we are encouraged to say No to that I reject. Like this one.

My daughter asked me this morning if I would draw pictures with her.

Saying No to that isn’t saying No to drawing, it is saying No to the question she is really asking.

I missed you at bedtime last night, Daddy. Will you spend some time with me? Just me?

And if I were to say No, I am really saying:

You aren’t worth my time. Just like last night.

My spouse tells me that I don’t say No enough. That my Baby Girl doesn’t hear it enough from me. But I think the problem isn’t No. It is the absence of Yes.