Maybe when you are a sports fan, hearing that an athlete got drunk doesn’t register as the worst offense ever.  That he got behind the wheel of a car should be shocking, but it isn’t even surprising.  So when an extremely talented football player was arrested in 2008 for drunk driving, it really didn’t register.  Now Darryl Stonum has run out of chances and was dismissed from the Michigan Wolverines.  And yet, there is something particularly sad about it that has nothing to do with his talent.

This isn’t a case of a kid like Len Bias, whose mistake leads to his own death.  This isn’t some kid who refused to leave his bad past behind him or some goody-two-shoes suburban white kid messing around.  This story seems to be more about the tragedy of a young man trying and the problem of breaking one straw too many.

It began with an arrest, which was escalated by breaking probation, which led to jail time.  This seems to have been the low point he needed to get himself straightened out.  Then in 2010, he screwed up again, driving impaired again, receiving even more probation and having his license revoked.  This second low point triggered a turn around and he became a model student-athlete.  His off the field behavior, though not excusable, was getting better.  When Brady Hoke took over as head coach in January of 2011, he made Stonum sit out the coming season, forcing the player to take a redshirt, while he proved that he deserved to play a senior season.

Though Stonum knew he was down to his last strike, it seems strange that it would end up coming down to this: when his ride didn’t show up to take him to a probation meeting, he got in his car and drove himself: a clear violation.  Then he lied about it.  Missing the appearance would have also been a violation.  There is no question Stonum felt stuck, and made that very defense.  To a court, that isn’t good enough.  And in the end, a third strike is still a third strike.  For him, that meant ten days in jail and soon after, being removed from the team.

What troubles me about this is how much Stonum had to change and how much he did change, and in the end, it still wasn’t enough.  He had this extremely steep learning curve that he was climbing higher and higher and he could see the top, he was starting to walk on his two feet at the zenith and something so small would trip him up…is simply tragic.

A second way it bothers me is the effect of our car-based culture on the individual that has lost the priviledge of driving.  If he were in Boston or New York or Chicago, he could easily move around, but Ann Arbor, Michigan isn’t the height of public transit.  That he would be so dependent on others for his own fulfillment of probation is a logistics hurdle that effects and compounds the legal ones.  He could not simply do it all himself.  He needed to depend on others, and in this case, it cost him.

A third way it bothers me is that someone shouldn’t go out like this.  This shouldn’t be the thing that gets him.  Of all the decisions he’s made in his life, this certainly wasn’t the best, but it also isn’t the worst.  This shouldn’t be what gets him kicked off the team.  The first two strikes were the bad decisions.  This one is more…fuzzy.  It makes me think of the people locked up in California for stealing a candy bar because they impose mandatory sentencing on a third offence, regardless of the severity.  Yeah, they did some bad stuff, but should stealing a candy bar get someone 10 years in prison?

The last way this story bothers me is that even though I have to stick by the coach’s decision intellectually and as a matter of rules, I worry that this isn’t actually the best thing for the team or the player.  Maybe it is.  Maybe he needs a fresh start at another school or maybe he needs to focus on something other than football.  Maybe this is the story he’ll be telling high school kids as a motivational speaker who launched a successful career after years of sobriety.  His public statements are mature and show contrition.  But I’m not going to bet on it.  Not because people don’t change, but because people need communities to change.  Individuals need the support that comes from someone that holds them accountable.  Not just a probation officer, but an AA sponsor or a football coach.  They need a community that doesn’t just push and motivate them to change, but will support them when they are down.  What Darryl Stonum needs is more community, not less.  Cutting him loose seems like the right thing from the administration’s stand point, but this case seems different.

We forget that these athletes are young men, recruited to be warriors of the gridiron.  He had to leave the field some time.  Who was watching out for him?  Who will watch out for him now?  Should people of faith ever let someone feel so alone?