I have noticed two ways of being community, having spent some time in the South, and most of my life in the North. And I describe these differences using two positive terms: permissive culture and supportive culture.

Rather than break the differences down by political affiliation or in directly opposing terms as we are wont to do, I have chosen two affirmative names for these cultures. The names describe an important characteristic of what serves to drive them. Knowing this characteristic can help us apply these ideas to our own communities.

Permissive

In my neighborhood, which appears to be fewer than 60 years old, we have narrow streets, virtually no sidewalks, and lawns go up to the curb. Many houses also have a broad lawn going all the way across, meaning there is no walk between the curb and front door; you just walk right on the lawn.

Because there aren’t obvious places to walk or put yourself, you must walk on the street or on someone’s lawn if you want to enter their house. Because there is no consistency in form, it is expected that each person has more options for travel by foot and enforcement of traffic laws are minimal: as evidenced by the prevalence of wrong-way parking on the street. Even half a block from the high school, there aren’t cross walks, so every walker is a potential J-walker.

Supportive

The block I grew up on in northern Michigan was over a century old. The street was wide, every block for miles had paved sidewalks and every house had a walk to the front door, usually from the sidewalk.

The person living in this community understands where to walk and when. Though there might be some confusion about where bikers go (the street, not the sidewalk), there is little confusion about what these amenities are for. This also helps people clearly understand how to treat other people’s property by not walking on their lawn.

How permissive and supportive communities function

For the permissive communities, the functional priority is on personal freedoms, which sometimes include social infractions such as walking on someone’s lawn or walking in the middle of the street. This carries with it less clear differentiation between actual laws and local customs. The level of permissiveness also raises a certain level of confusion. Since I must walk in the street, am I legally required to walk on the left or right side? And if I break this law, am I likely to be punished for it? If police observe the infraction, are they likely to stop it or permit it?

The supportive community is more inclined to be clear about what is expected of each person. This clarity brings with it a greater sense of legalism as cars parked the wrong way are more likely to be reported or people walking in the middle of the street are increasing the danger for motorists.

We often prefer the culture we know, whether it is permissive or supportive. I’m inclined to prefer the supportive community. But the key is to not only know what you prefer and in which one you live, but the effect this has on your neighbors and newcomers. What troubles me about permissive communities is that even though they have a broader permissive sensibility, the newcomer is left totally unaware of what is expected of them. And worse, permissive communities often jealously guard that knowledge so as to have an advantage when they choose to be less permissive. Supportive communities must likewise guard against a callous approach to their laws.

Knowing what is expected of everyone is such an essential part of community that we ignore it at our own peril. There is nothing more oppressive to a person than being left out in the cold simply for not already knowing the social morays.

Our church communities, just like our wider communities thrive on these permissive and supportive characteristics. Permissive communities build up a great deal of common bond, but become difficult for new people to penetrate. Supportive communities make it very easy to be a newcomer, but many insiders wonder where their community is. The best approach I can think of is to figure out which community you live in, which then determines how to make it healthier.