I just ran into a couple at an airport gift shop that were so quintessentially “the couple”. They were both fairly pretty people, traveling with an infant in the three-wheeled stroller. She was in line checking out: he was getting tired of maneuvering the stroller inside the shop. So he parked the little guy in the entrance and went to look at a couple magazines inside. The wife, of course, speaks in loud disbelief: “what are you doing?” A smile on her face, head shaking back and forth: “what are you thinking? You can’t leave him there!” Then she turns to the cashier and I and says “That’s the difference between fathers and mothers!” I told her that I resembled that remark; it seemed like a pretty true statement.

It makes me think about the challenge we have in not only communicating our needs, but our vision of the world. And how our operating systems of belief affect the way we are together. It is any wonder people get together at all!

This seems especially true when we interview each other. In the old days, the bishop appointed presbyters to serve a chosen congregation. In other traditions this still happens. In others, it is entirely up to the congregation to figure out what’s best for themselves. This sounds a bit like governments, doesn’t it? For the Episcopal Church, we attempt to blend the two, giving the congregations choice, with guidance and some direction from the bishop. This seems wise, but makes for a really complicated process. It makes me wonder if there is a fourth option. Not one way; the other way; or both; but a way that isn’t about expressions of power and control.

In the end, it is all about the two people trying to figure out what the other is thinking and trusting that the other has their best interest at heart. Shouldn’t we seek a more honest option?